Joan and I Talk About The First Draft of Unearthly

[13:33]  Connecting to in-world Voice Chat...
[13:33]  Connected
 [13:37]  Alas Zerbino is Online
[13:38]  Clarissa Tolsen: hi
[13:38]  Alas Zerbino: Hi! You were a ball of light for the longest time -- sorta "angelic" LOL
[13:38]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol
[13:38]  Clarissa Tolsen: I knew you had arrived by the misty ball of light
[13:38]  Alas Zerbino: haha!
[13:39]  Clarissa Tolsen: so ready to go?
[13:39]  Clarissa Tolsen: I spent all morning researching Jackson Hole high school
[13:39]  Alas Zerbino: as ready as I'll get today, I think
[13:39]  Alas Zerbino: oh wow!
[13:40]  Clarissa Tolsen: they have 4 dances a year
[13:40]  Clarissa Tolsen: oy
[13:40]  Alas Zerbino: I've spent all day working on taxes -- yuck!!!!
[13:40]  Clarissa Tolsen: bling off
[13:40]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol
[13:40]  Clarissa Tolsen: J actually did our taxes in January, which was a shocker
[13:40]  Alas Zerbino: Awesome!
[13:40]  Clarissa Tolsen: usually he waits until the last minute
[13:40]  Alas Zerbino: like me!
[13:40]  Clarissa Tolsen: I think he was just anxious that we might owe
[13:40]  Alas Zerbino: ah
[13:41]  Alas Zerbino: I have to wait until April to get the last Schedule K-1 anyway.
[13:41]  Clarissa Tolsen: brb pants check on W
[13:41]  Alas Zerbino: lol
[13:48]  Clarissa Tolsen: that little stinker
[13:48]  Alas Zerbino: what'd he do?
[13:48]  Clarissa Tolsen: had just got his pants off
[13:48]  Clarissa Tolsen: and his diaper
[13:48]  Alas Zerbino: lol
[13:48]  Clarissa Tolsen: so I put him in pjs and sewed him in
[13:48]  Alas Zerbino: thank goodness!
[13:48]  Alas Zerbino: ha-ha!!
[13:49]  Clarissa Tolsen: errrr
[13:49]  Clarissa Tolsen: irritable today, can't say why
[13:49]  Alas Zerbino: you've got an exhibitionist in the making, huh? lol
[13:49]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes, I think so
[13:49]  Clarissa Tolsen: when I saw him he said, "leave your diaper ON"
[13:50]  Alas Zerbino: ROFL!!!
[13:50]  Alas Zerbino: oh my, hearing those stories about W makes ME less irritable (which I am today, too)
[13:50]  Clarissa Tolsen: he is a naked protestor of naps
[13:50]  Alas Zerbino: lmao!!! That's a great line!!
[13:51]  Clarissa Tolsen: okay let's write before I talk myself out of it
[13:51]  Alas Zerbino: ok!
[13:51]  Clarissa Tolsen: I am really wanting to finish this stinking scene
[13:51]  Alas Zerbino: heehee
[13:51]  Clarissa Tolsen: emphasis on the word stink
[13:51]  Alas Zerbino: merely a reflection of W's naptime activities!! :D


[15:32]  Clarissa Tolsen: hi, sorry
[15:32]  Alas Zerbino: Hi!! NP
[15:32]  Alas Zerbino: I figured you went back to writing --
[15:34]  Clarissa Tolsen: I actually did go back to writing :)
[15:34]  Clarissa Tolsen: but W is awake, and it's past the point where I can let him go to sleep
[15:34]  Clarissa Tolsen: so I just dumped him on his dad for a bit
[15:34]  Alas Zerbino: lol!!!
[15:34]  Clarissa Tolsen: I finished my scene!
[15:34]  Alas Zerbino: Super!!!!!
[15:34]  Clarissa Tolsen: want to read it?
[15:34]  Alas Zerbino: Yes, I'd love to read it.
[15:34]  Clarissa Tolsen: well that happens
[15:35]  Clarissa Tolsen: k let me make a note
[15:35]  Alas Zerbino: I did make some progress, though!
[15:36]  Alas Zerbino accepted your inventory offer.
[15:36]  Alas Zerbino gave you alas writing 4-4-09.
[15:37]  Alas Zerbino: those are the few paragraphs I've finished since the last reading.
[15:44]  Alas Zerbino: HOLY COW!!!! WOW!!!!!!
[15:44]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol
[15:44]  Clarissa Tolsen: thanks.
[15:44]  Alas Zerbino: I love it! Love how you ended it, too!
[15:44]  Clarissa Tolsen: I am feeling like a bit of a genius but I haven't read it over again yet
[15:44]  Alas Zerbino: Dang, why can't I just turn the page and keep reading??????!!!!
[15:44]  Clarissa Tolsen: savoring that I actually managed to finish it
[15:44]  Alas Zerbino: lol!! it's great!
[15:45]  Clarissa Tolsen: well the next chapter begins with the scene where her mom takes her to Big Basin to tell her she's an angel
[15:45]  Clarissa Tolsen: so you HAVE actually read what happens next
[15:45]  Clarissa Tolsen: technically
[15:45]  Alas Zerbino: haha!!!!
[15:45]  Alas Zerbino: that's seems like a good flow.
[15:46]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes, J suggested I move the flashback to the beginning of a chapter
[15:46]  Alas Zerbino: I love the added dimensions/problems her father brings.
[15:46]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes
[15:46]  Alas Zerbino: and the way she goes into the vision like that -- SUPER!!!
[15:46]  Clarissa Tolsen: biting lip to keep from telling you all the crazy secrets that I know about her parents....
[15:46]  Alas Zerbino: It's so real, so believable, so scary!
[15:46]  Clarissa Tolsen: yay!
[15:46]  Alas Zerbino: LOL!!!!!
[15:47]  Clarissa Tolsen: thanks!
[15:47]  Alas Zerbino: I can't wait to read them!!
[15:47]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol
[15:47]  Clarissa Tolsen: I actually don't think they will be in THIS book
[15:47]  Clarissa Tolsen: but the next one
[15:47]  Clarissa Tolsen: so you may have quite a wait
[15:47]  Clarissa Tolsen: but who knows
[15:47]  Alas Zerbino: ah, good for you (not good for us readers -- lol)
[15:47]  Alas Zerbino: keep the mysteries -- that's neat.
[15:48]  Clarissa Tolsen: ho about the license plate part, does it work?
[15:48]  Clarissa Tolsen: does it feel like an easy solution-- too easy
[15:48]  Alas Zerbino: I like it that she had to tell herself to focus on it.
[15:48]  Alas Zerbino: Maybe she needs to do that again to see the rest of the numbers.
[15:48]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes, lol, because she's immediately thinking about riding in the truck with the boy
[15:49]  Alas Zerbino: but it worked, I think
[15:49]  Alas Zerbino: yes!! teenage hormones -- they're great for causing disruptions!!!
[15:49]  Clarissa Tolsen: still wondering about including the words, I thought, or just stating the thought
[15:49]  Alas Zerbino: her dad offering a car is just perfect!
[15:49]  Clarissa Tolsen: haven’t decided yet stylisitically
[15:50]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes that bit of inspiration hit me last night talking to my dad on the phone
[15:50]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol
[15:50]  Alas Zerbino: lol
[15:50]  Clarissa Tolsen: remarkably similar experience
[15:50]  Alas Zerbino: I just love it when life hands me a great piece for a scene I'm working on!
[15:50]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes, my dad suggested the Avalanche, too
[15:50]  Clarissa Tolsen: he suggested 3 SUV/trucks
[15:51]  Alas Zerbino: cool!
[15:51]  Clarissa Tolsen: and I looked them over and liked how the avalanche looked the best
[15:51]  Clarissa Tolsen: for my boy, of course
[15:51]  Alas Zerbino: yes, right!
[15:51]  Clarissa Tolsen: I myself wouldn't drive any of those monsters
[15:51]  Alas Zerbino: I can't wait to meet that boy and find out what he's all about!!
[15:51]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol
[15:51]  Clarissa Tolsen: all in good time
[15:51]  Clarissa Tolsen: soon
[15:51]  Alas Zerbino: lol -- neither would I
[15:52]  Alas Zerbino: but it's good you've got the reader dying to find out about him!!!
[15:52]  Clarissa Tolsen: I think Clara might end up with a Prius, which will mark her as horribly Californian
[15:52]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes
[15:52]  Clarissa Tolsen: that IS good
[15:52]  Clarissa Tolsen: I am gauging very carefully too
[15:52]  Alas Zerbino: in the section about the plate...
[15:52]  Clarissa Tolsen: as to whether my reader gets pissed because she hasn't seen him yet
[15:53]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes?
[15:53]  Alas Zerbino: where she says she should be elated, but she was still in the vision...
[15:54]  Alas Zerbino: that brought me out of the story for a second because I couldn't figure out the connection between the feeling and being in the vision.
[15:54]  Clarissa Tolsen: ah yes
[15:54]  Clarissa Tolsen: problematic
[15:54]  Alas Zerbino: just thinking maybe another link might work better.
[15:54]  Clarissa Tolsen: me either....
[15:54]  Alas Zerbino: :) makes sense!
[15:54]  Clarissa Tolsen: another link like.....?
[15:55]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol
[15:56]  Alas Zerbino: I expected to feel elated.... but I didn't -- a branch falling distracted me.... blahblahblah -- that kinda thing
[15:56]  Clarissa Tolsen: oh I see
[15:56]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol
[15:56]  Alas Zerbino: I'm not feeling very creative today -- sorry!! lol
[15:56]  Clarissa Tolsen: love your blahblahblah
[15:56]  Clarissa Tolsen: no, it's good
[15:57]  Alas Zerbino: Or maybe, not "expected to feel elated," but "at first I felt elated.... but then...."
[15:57]  Alas Zerbino: ???
[15:57]  Clarissa Tolsen: how about, I expected to feel elated blahblahblah, but I didn't really have time to process.
[15:57]  Clarissa Tolsen: something like that.
[15:57]  Clarissa Tolsen: The vision was moving on.
[15:57]  Clarissa Tolsen: ah, good idea
[15:57]  Clarissa Tolsen: I will fiddle
[15:57]  Alas Zerbino: yeah.
[15:58]  Alas Zerbino: minor.
[15:58]  Clarissa Tolsen: okay and now let's talk about yours bc W is starting to test J's patience....
[15:58]  Alas Zerbino: OK.
[15:59]  Clarissa Tolsen: what is consistently impressing me about this whole novel, Joan, is just how completely in control you are of the language and how you expertly maneuver us through the very difficult events without falling into cliché or averting your eyes
[15:59]  Clarissa Tolsen: every detail feels spot on
[15:59]  Clarissa Tolsen: it's very VERY good
[15:59]  Clarissa Tolsen: a lesser person than myself might actually be jealous
[15:59]  Clarissa Tolsen: :P
[16:00]  Alas Zerbino: omg, thanks so very much, Clarissa!
[16:00]  Clarissa Tolsen: I like the turn where we question the existence of the semi
[16:00]  Alas Zerbino: I do work on that.
[16:00]  Clarissa Tolsen: and that part with his mother's face--brilliant
[16:00]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol, well if you didn't work on that I think I would be crazy jealous.... hee hee
[16:01]  Alas Zerbino: thanks!
[16:01]  Clarissa Tolsen: that brilliant off the cuff
[16:01]  Alas Zerbino: lol
[16:01]  Alas Zerbino: yeah, right!!!
[16:01]  Clarissa Tolsen: the part about the firetrucks slowed down a bit--you could tighten that
[16:01]  Alas Zerbino: if I were, I'd have been published by now!!
[16:01]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol
[16:01]  Alas Zerbino: yes, you’re right
[16:01]  Clarissa Tolsen: all in good time
[16:01]  Clarissa Tolsen: :D
[16:02]  Clarissa Tolsen: just pick the best details from that bit and cut the rest
[16:02]  Thinkerer Melville is Online
[16:02]  Clarissa Tolsen: I am in favor of the part with Win having a hard time believing it's a fire truck if it's not red like his childhood
[16:02]  Alas Zerbino: yes -- I need to--that's something I've had to work on, too.
[16:03]  Alas Zerbino: today it's MY keyboard acting up!
[16:03]  Clarissa Tolsen: lol
[16:03]  Alas Zerbino: takes forEVER to type something.
[16:03]  Clarissa Tolsen: karma
[16:03]  Alas Zerbino: lol!!!
[16:04]  Alas Zerbino: anyway, the firetruck color is ok, just not spend all that time on it.
[16:04]  Clarissa Tolsen: I might also suggest you cut the part about him thinking that if there was no semi then maybe Juno is alive an just leave him with the mother's sense that if he keeps insisting there was one things will be worse
[16:05]  Alas Zerbino: ah, I like that -- he's already said he thinks she's alive.
[16:05]  Alas Zerbino: thank you
[16:05]  Clarissa Tolsen: maybe just from "much worse." to "And so he tries."
[16:05]  Alas Zerbino: yes, excellent.
[16:05]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes, and it makes sense why he might consider that, at least to me, but it is still overall confusing
[16:05]  Clarissa Tolsen: so it would work better without, I think, at least at this point
[16:05]  Alas Zerbino: right
[16:06]  Clarissa Tolsen: love that you turned that last image of the semi roaring into his mind into "straight toward Juno." Really good.
[16:06]  Alas Zerbino: thanks
[16:06]  Clarissa Tolsen: and next, I am hoping, he gets out of the house
[16:07]  Alas Zerbino: you are psychic! yes -- Sam gets him out (the dog) and it gets even stranger!
[16:07]  Clarissa Tolsen: good
[16:07]  Clarissa Tolsen: it was time for him to get out of the bathtub
[16:07]  Clarissa Tolsen: although I think the interior was so needed, and so well done
[16:08]  Alas Zerbino: that's good to know -- I wasn't sure
[16:08]  Alas Zerbino: thanks
[16:08]  Clarissa Tolsen: I am not suggesting you cut it or that I am sick of it at all--just need the arc to go forward now, and not keep circling back
[16:08]  Alas Zerbino: I understand! And I think that's why *I* was feeling stuck in that scene -- too much looking backward
[16:09]  Clarissa Tolsen: well I think it's pretty balanced. We need time to digest it too
[16:09]  Clarissa Tolsen: and the scene gives us that
[16:09]  Alas Zerbino: good. It's so hard to tell when I'm in the middle of it
[16:10]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes I know :)
[16:10]  Alas Zerbino: yes, I'm sure!! lol
[16:10]  Clarissa Tolsen: I felt that way too about my summary about her dad and the divorce and all of that
[16:10]  Clarissa Tolsen: standing still for a little while
[16:10]  Alas Zerbino: so we both pushed through sticky scenes! Cool!!!
[16:10]  Clarissa Tolsen: yes, that is extremely cool
[16:10]  Alas Zerbino: yeah, that standing still -- good description.
[16:11]  Clarissa Tolsen: I read over the whole of chapter 1 and am pretty happy with it
[16:11]  Clarissa Tolsen: which is great
[16:11]  Alas Zerbino: oh yes -- you should be happy with it!!
[16:11]  Clarissa Tolsen: and yours so far has been tight!
[16:11]  Clarissa Tolsen: we're geniuses!
[16:11]  Alas Zerbino: good

[16:11]  Alas Zerbino: yes!!!! heeheee